Clone Wars AU where Padmé tells Obi-Wan about her and Anakin’s romantic Naboo retreat a few years back where they got married.
Obi-Wan being just pure salt and sass at this point doesn’t tell Anakin he knows but instead begins his quest to make Anakin figure out that he knows by being a fucking memelord. Because Padmé has told him some shit.
He starts with small things. Like location comments and name drops. No recognition. Anakin is baffeled by Obi-Wan’s sudden interest in Naboo. So he moves on to something less discreet.
It’s a normal day at war. Ahsoka is asking Anakin for advice with Barris when he stops by and says in a deadpan voice “Have you tried floating a pear?” before moving on. Of course Anakin doesn’t remember his stroke of pure romantic genius and is basically starting to worry about his former masters sanity. The clones however are dying of laughter. It’s such an absurd statement that it’s hilarious and it spreads quickly through the clone ranks. It reaches true meme status as it hits Coruscant, where Padmé is starting to regret ever telling Obi-Wan anything.
A few weird memes and absurd sayings later they’re on some planet where the ground is soft and mushy and extremely tiring to walk on basically. This is where Obi-Wan takes his last stand. He only catches a piece of Rex and Anakin’s conversation, but it’s perfect.
“Well, at least it’s not sand.”
“I don’t know, sir. I’d gladly take a desert over this muck. “
The clone troopers in the immediate vicinity are suddenly very interested in the conversation going on because General Kenobi is inserting himself into it with a look of glee that they have come to recognize. His tone is slightly thoughtful as he says:
“I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating,” the man seems to pause for effect as a look of horror passes over Skywalkers face ”, and it gets everywhere.” There’s a shit eating grin on Kenobi’s face at this point “Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.”
The end, idk. I’m slightly drunk. It’s 3am. Not sure what this is. It’s something.