* 𝐣𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝.
SHE ALONE KNOWS JUST HOW DEEP HIS MISTRUST RUNS, perhaps even more so than he does because she’s seen that mistrust to the very end — paired with his worry & love for her, it had become deadly. Despite that, or because of it, she alone understands how much it means that he shares his thoughts so openly with her. How she wishes he had kept that openness, hadn’t hidden his fears, his thoughts, but shared them with her later on. ❛ What do you think we should be doing? ❜ She’s curious, wants to know what the best course of action was in his eyes, because anything feels better than this — doing nothing, waiting for something to happen all while trying to stop another from caring ( all while pretending it didn’t hurt the way it did. )
Eyes shut briefly when she realizes he had taken her jest in seriousness — his expression, the very real worry he clearly felt for her safety slices through thin walls she’s been trying to build & uphold. She almost wants to clarify — I’m fine! It was a jest. Stop caring for me, that is not your job, it no longer is. — but his gaze turns to her & she allows carefully maintained façade to tell him for her with a small smile at the corner of her lips. His smirk eases the knots in her chest, but the cuts are still bleeding. When his face colors, hers does too ( because she can hear the words he doesn’t say & how she wishes she couldn’t, how she wishes she didn’t know that he cared! ) & she turns away, pretending to gaze at the horizon. ❛ I do. ❜ How he stumbles over his words! How innocent & wonderful her Anakin once was. ( Had their love, her love, taken that all away? ) ❛ The Jedi didn’t have to extend their help, just as they didn’t have to once before. But you did. And I am grateful for it. ❜ She had done so well, making her appreciation general, to the Jedi rather than the boy with her, except for the last slip, one she hadn’t realized until the words had already been said.
She flinches internally, gaze carefully kept away from the necklace she had cherished for so long, as well as the boy who had given it to her. Fingers wrap around it, & she tries for a cool smile ( though she’s burning, his words a heat that should have engulfed her in warmth but SEAR at her skin. ) ❛ You were such a brave young boy. ❜ How could I forget? Is that she doesn’t say. Why can’t you forget about me? also remains unspoken.
Heart clenches tightly in already-constricted chest as he takes too long to answer. His smile is no longer one that contains warmth, the one that had made her believe he could be happy. No, it is forced, it is false, ( it is mirroring her own. ) It’s not the answer she had sought, had wished to hear so desperately. He had no idea what a path he would be going down ( one she could not follow! ) ❛ Anakin — ❜ How does she tell him she can see through it all, without allowing him to know just how much she cares? ❛ No, I was the one who had been lucky. ❜ He had saved so much & so many lives, but had he been lucky? Or had fate been cruel — to both of them, for intertwining their lives forever, making them LOVE & LOSE so much? ❛ If you could go back — would you change it? ❜
❛ 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒𝐍'𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑. ❜ humorless statement , dropped drily from tightened lips and accompanied by a rolling of tense shoulders. his neck is still colored red , perhaps from the effect she has on him ( it drives him absolutely crazy : fingers twitch with the need to caress her own , eyes cannot completely leave her features , not for long. it’s torture , it’s forbidden , something he is not allowed to feel. but force , does he not feel it ! ) or perhaps from the oversharing of such information. not even to his master would he voice these machinations , sometimes not even to himself. there’s fear inside him , where it has always been , of being too different or not enough. do all the jedi question the order’s motives ? is he just not meant for this ? HE WANTS TO BELIEVE HE IS. that such agitations shall leave as he ages , leaving in their place a wise jedi —— the greatest jedi. though she would not betray him , anakin cannot satiate her curiosity : he doesn’t truly know the answer , he is just merely aware that this is the wrong path. call it intuition , insight. a hunch. ❛ i’m just a padawan , after all. ❜ is that bitterness that coats his words ? most definitely , yes.
𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 , he wants to say. stop smiling or my heart will leap out of my chest. she’s so beautiful she might blind him , causes the thudding inside ribcage to accelerate. can an organ even beat this fast ? make this much noise ? SHE SURELY HEARS IT , THINKS OF HIM AS A SILLY AND INFATUATED BOY. so when she looks out to the sea , he follows , pretending that this isn’t awkward and that he hasn’t made a fool of himself. ❛ of course we did ! ❜ of course i did. such vehemence —— and so fitting in the mouth of a young man. he wears his heart on his sleeve though many times he’s been told to hide it , and it usually goes unnoticed. ❛ you are in danger , just like you were years ago. it would’ve been wrong not to help you. besides ——— you deserve it. ❜ and to him , she does. a brave queen once , now an equally as brave senator ; she’s a fighter , struggling to banish the evil of this world. their goal is the same , he realizes now. and they are not so different than he previously thought. glancing at her , eyes catch digits gripping the snippet , a victorious smile sneaking ‘pon pursed lips. HE MEANS SOMETHING TO HER , OF THAT HE IS CERTAIN. ❛ i’m sure anyone would’ve done the same. ❜ he’s teasing again , giving her his full attention.
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒 his full name almost makes his body shiver. he wants to laugh loudly , tell her how stupid her statement is. HE IS THE LUCKY ONE. the years apart from her had been darker though he only sees that now , and a world where they were strangers seems unimaginable. the notion sits on the bottom of his chest , heavy and with dread. ❛ NO. ❜ response comes rapidly. ❛ not in a thousand years. ❜ destiny had not given a little slave boy much , but his power and his friendships were more than enough. padmé was enough. he might miss his mother ( the love she had to give him , the safety he felt with her ) yet he would not give this up. WHO WOULD HE BE WITHOUT THE JEDI ? an empty man , another slave in a sea of faces. ❛ i don’t regret anything. ❜ it’s a clarification ( maybe useless ) so that she won’t think poorly of him , or worry about his happiness. and because he’s curious , because he doesn’t like being asked all the questions , he inquires in return. ❛ ——— are you happy , senator ? ❜