democraticqueen.

                         SHE WISHES TO KEEP HER EYES SHUT, doesn’t want to see the stranger — a GHOST of the man she had loved ( & perhaps that was why it hurt so much — because the cause of her pain, her agony, was wearing the face of someone she LOVED, would always love. It wasn’t just her he was hurting, but slowly killing him who she loved too. ) She doesn’t want to see the DARKNESS surrounding them, preferring the ones beneath eyelids where images of happier times are held, played over & over like an ANCHOR ( or a cruel taunt of what was & what would never be again. ) She wishes it would go SILENT, that she wouldn’t hear anything, that she was left alone to mourn, to hurt. Heart aches, chest rising & falling in uneven beat, hand held protectively over her stomach still ( yet what is she protecting from? The thought, the answer, is too painful to bear. ) — & EVERYTHING HURTS. It goes beyond the simple ache in her bones or the FIRE around her neck like a NOOSE, there are no words to explain it, nothing to compare it to.

                     AGAIN SHE LONGS FOR SILENCE, wishes it was something that could be attained without fingers covering her ears as a noise causes her to shift uncomfortably. It isn’t until it becomes LOUDER that she realizes just what it is — & who. It’s her name yes but it’s in his voice ( not the monster, not the one who saw her pain & not only overlooked it but dug the blade in deeper. ) It’s the sound of the man she’d been calling for without even meaning to — ❛ Anakin? ❜ Is it truly him? It would be too cruel to think she had him back only to lose him, she can’t bear all this pain, can only endure so much. His voice comes closer & she pushes herself into a sitting position, eyelids finally fluttering open. She’s surprised that there is no VISIBLE DESTRUCTION before them ( besides they themselves. Besides the man with fire in his eyes & a rawness in his throat that seems to match her own. Besides the woman who had seen the darkness & thought that it would be all she would see. ) It doesn’t make sense — their room seems peaceful, untouched, a haunting reminder of nights shared together, of love spelled out to each other in the darkness ( the kind that was never sinister ) & gentle touches.

                   HIS BROKENNESS IS WHAT DRAWS HER GAZE, finally, for she cannot avoid it, cannot avoid him ( cannot bear his pain along with her own, not when he speaks her name like a prayer in the dark. ) His eyes are blue, like the skies of Naboo & the ice from before is s h a t t e r e d, only shards remain ( much like the man himself. ) ❛ What have you done? ❜ It’s a whisper in the darkness so full of horror but so much more than that — she truly wishes to know, to understand. She’s not asking about what he had nearly done but hat has been done. She curls in on herself because still she wishes for his arms to wrap around her, for her to ascertain he ( they ) were okay, that what had transpired was indeed a mistake, a LIE. Lower lip quivers & she buries her face to hide it from view ( other hand never once leaving its place over her — their — child. Not even to soothe the burning along her neck. )

              SHATTERING BREATH IS TAKEN, a quiet intake but it feels as if it’s RIPPING HER APART. Using that as fortification, she finally looks to him, no meets his gaze. Seeing the pure ANGUISH, the agony, she nearly forgets her own fire. ❛ I know. ❜ But you did. It’s a broken admission, the only thing she has to give. ❛ Oh Anakin, what have you done? ❜ His name burns its way upon her tongue & down her throat as shoulders curve in upon themselves, frame wracked in yet another silent admission of pain. ❛ I know. ❜ But is that enough?

                        at the tips of clenched fingers he still feels her skin.   so soft ,   so delicate ,   tensed underneath invisible grip.   TEN MORE SECONDS AND SHE WOULD’VE BEEN GONE.   digits crawl at such vivid sensation ,   begging to be destroyed ,   burned   —   anything to rid themselves of it.   down raw throat he tastes it ,   the ashes of his obliteration ,   grief so eagerly lingering in the air ‘round them.   THIS IS WHAT YOU’VE BROUGHT UPON YOURSELF   :   someone who loves   (   can she still  ?   will she  ?   )   you ,   sprawled on the floor and frame quivering in shock.   her hand ,   it hovers over her swollen stomach   (   from where you can feel the foce ,   a beacon so bright and pure it should blind your soul   )   in desperate need of protection.   FROM YOU ,   FROM WHAT YOU HAVE CAUSED.   tears spill from blue gaze ,   perhaps they will never stop   —   the guilt is too burdening ,   infinite sorrow clings to his skin like a deadly disease.   not another word can be produced ,   until she speaks his name.   AND IT SOUNDS DIRTY.   someone so good shoudn’t be allowed to tarnish their mouth by pronouncing it.   in the eyes that suddenly fix on him he sees everything   :   the feelings which brew inside ,   a hurricane of emotion.   her pain twists at frayed ends of a once hero ,   carves and carves a path of extermination so deep he may not recover.   beneath all the sorrow lays the need to correct her   ;   anakin skywalker is no more.   ANAKIN SKYWALKER WOULDN’T HAVE DONE THIS TO YOU.   yet all that abandons his mouth is a whisper ,   forlorn and crushed as the stars look down upon them.   ❛   I’M HERE   ——   ❜  

                        WHAT HAVE YOU DONE  ?   WHAT HAVE YOU DONE  ?  the question resonates between the walls of a clearer mind   (   oh ,   how sweet ,   how comforting was the smoke heavy darkness brought  !   it had been kind   —   but only to him.   below the fog he’d fashioned himself a god in a quest for power ,   for the key to avoid death.   he almost wishes it would return   :   sharp mind is now aware of the anguish that wrecks through her ,   ignorance no longer an option   )   with astounding strength.   does he have an answer  ?   there’s accusation   :   not in her voice but in his own ,   in the notes screaming inside his head.   monster ,   monster ,   monster.   many he’s slaughtered in the name of love   —   what he’s done here ,   how could it be called devotion  ?   ❛   ——   I’M SORRY.   ❜   fragmented soul trembles under rivers of blood ,   palms dripping red.   IT HAD FELT GOOD.   all had been for her   :   each life he took meant becoming more powerful ,   each massacre brought him closer to preventing her demise.   yet right here ,   right now ,   under the broken glint of her stare   —   here his crimes bear too much regret.   with the realization comes a twisted ache ,   that spreads over his body ,   a numbing blanket suffocating his bones. 

                        the dragon returns.   he’d thought it vanquished ,   thought his heart freed of fear.   but she’s here ,   sobbing ,   shattered before him   —   the dragon and the dead star return ,   viciously slashing at his chest until it has become a scar.   ALL THINGS DIE   :   EVEN PADMÉ.   her precious life ,   in the brink of annihilation ,   in the hands of he who claimed to adore her.   it’s difficult to stand.   form years for unconsciousness and the oblivion it shall bring ,   however he’s upright within seconds ,   slowly walking towards her.   caution reigns his every move ,   scared that she’ll reject him   (   she should  !   )   or leave in the wake of madness.   irregluar breaths snake through his lungs ,   right hand laying itself above her back   ——   ❛   I’M HERE.   ❜   the other rests upon brown curls.   it softly brings her head against stiff shoulder ,   features burying themselves in silken waves.   ❛   I’M SORRY.   ❜        

democraticqueen.

                       _{SHE REMEMBERS THE WORDS VIVIDLY, spoken softly when neither could sleep ( when he had woken from nightmares — how could she have been so blind! ) It’s a shock, to hear the declaration of LOVE thrown at her as if they’re daggers meant to hurt as opposed to words meant to soothe, to lull their beloved to sleep. He probably isn’t aware of it either, & that makes it so much worse! ❛ That’s not true. ❜ His life has to mean more than just her, he has fought so much, has stood for something noble & pulled himself out of a life of nothing to — not this, anything but this. ❛ You’re making it nothing. You’re more than this, you’re stronger, better than this. ❜ Her life means everything with him, but without him? It isn’t nothing. It’s CRUEL, it’s dark, it’s bleak, it’s a world she can’t bear to imagine, but then again, she could never have imagined this either — not even in her darkest nights, not in the worst times. Yet here he is, here they are, & she’s bearing it ( she has to, even if it feels as if the weight of the world is bearing down on her heart, on slim shoulders not braced for this because it’s unexpected ; she expected cruelty from the world, from others, but never NEVER would she have thought the one holding the weapon digging into her skin, scalding her bones would ever be ANAKIN SKYWALKER — or whoever this man was. )}

            _{❛ The life we dreamed of having? Do you truly believe that I would want this? ❜ He has only just ended whatever he had deemed a threat to them & what he thought was right ( whatever that was ) with the help of the Emperor, & now he speaks of defeating that same man. HE LEFT DESTRUCTION IN HIS WAKE — behind him, before him, shattering everything she held dear, everything she had thought he had held close to his chest as well. ❛ No. ❜ She shakes her head. ❛ You can’t mean that! You want to kill the man who you believe helped you? Where does it end? ❜ It won’t, not until he’s burned everything in his wake, until there was nothing left.}

        _{EYES WIDEN IN HORROR, TERROR CLAWING ITS WAY UP HER CHEST, catching in the back of her throat ( she’s still not afraid of him. She should have been, but she had been too busy fearing for him, fearing she had lost him ) as she watches dark eyes lose all traces of her Anakin, her love, her heart. Gold takes over & seems to burn ( she feels its flames, licking at her skin, scorching her heart & its ashes making it HARD TO BREATHE. ) ❛ No! ❜ Still her terror is for losing him, the sound escaping his lips an inhuman one that pierces her flesh & hurts her too. ❛ I would never. ❜ I would side with your friend, not a jedi.}

              _{THE FIRE BURNS WITH AN INTENSITY THAT HAS HER SCREAMING — but she can’t, the ashes from before closing around her throat & she’s clutching at it, eyes wide in disbelief as she sees his fingers tighten into a fist, hard, unyielding, CRUEL — & it’s the realization of what it is that’s closing around her & causing her vision to darken that hurts the most. She wants to SCREAM at the top of her lungs ( her throat feels as if that’s what she’s doing, raw, burning burning! ) Water pools in her eyes as she stares at the man — no, the stranger, the monster before her ( he’s absolutely unrecognizable, there’s nothing in them she can hold onto ) yet her mouth still words his name though no sound leaves them, fingers clawing at her throat.}

            _{& JUST AS DARKNESS THREATENS TO SWALLOW HER WHOLE ( finally finally ) something shifts & she’s on the ground, eyes unseeing, heartbeat too slow, ragged breaths escaping her lips ( & burning with each intake, throat RAW, on fire. ) Hand immediately flies to her child, an agonized sound escaping her lips — yet even that comes out mangled ( she’s reminded of the inhuman noise he had made earlier. ) She doesn’t open her eyes, not even when she hears her name on his lips. His pain somehow still hurts her & it’s only then that she realizes what she’d been trying to do — swallow back the sound of her agony ( though silent sobs still wrack her frame ) — yet one escapes ( the sound of it terrifies her. ) Anakin, oh Anakin. She still wants to call for him – but that? That thing can’t be her Anakin ( but it sounds like him, his agony hurts her & though she doesn’t want to look, she still hopes his eyes are the blue she had been seeking earlier. ) ❛ Anakin? ❜ It’s different from before, no longer a plea, the name spoken like someone waking from their worst nightmare & needing to know it WASN’T REAL. It’s hurt, the way she is, raw, the way her skin feels, it’s accusing because look what you’ve done! Not just to her, but to himself. But it’s also her way of trying to stop him, stop the hurt she can feel as vividly as her own. Perhaps she is seeking comfort, asking for reassurance, wants to hear him tell her he’s here, that it’s him, that the MONSTER IS GONE.}

                      THE IMAGE IS BURNED BEHIND CLOSED EYELIDS.   _{a cruel hologram ,   engraved in his brain as the darkest of tortures ,   swallowing everything but the accusing guit his shoulders now bear.   light still pulses   ;   shedding brightly from padmé ,   from their child   (   his little girl  !   he’s imagined her so many times   —   how could he have attempted to hurt her  ?   ) ,   from anything but him.   shrouded in smoke so thick he can barely see ,   the epitome of regret.   OF BITTERNESS.   power has left him ,   locked away in the deepest corners of his mind.   with its exile comes tiredness   :   exhaustion carved into fragile bones that threaten to break with every taken breath.   breastbone aches as heart beats ,   slowly   (   wishing it would stop completely  !   )   and painfully against the furnace inhabiting shredded chest.   HOW COULD HE  ?   fear worn by her eyes tears at his very soul ,   poisons his veins with the knowledge that she’d nearly died.   by his own hand ,   he’d lifted it in sweet madness   —   anxious to stop the flow of oxygen.   to what purpose  ?   her life was ,   is ,   would always be what matters the most.   AND HE WAS PREAPRED TO END IT.   his daughter’s ,   too   ;   someone he had created out of love ,   destroyed by darkness.   distorted noices escape quivering mouth ,   refusal to look at her damaged frame battling againt the need to make sure she’s alright.   BUT SHE CAN’T BE ,   NOT AFTER WHAT HE’S DONE  !   shame constricts his body ,   making it hard to think or breathe or exist.   he would run far ,   far away if not for the woman laying next to him ,   the one he’s so terribly betrayed.   perhaps his disappearance would be good ,   would make her world better   —   HE’S TOO SELFISH FOR THAT.   he cannot abandon her ,   not even now.} 

                      she sobs and he thinks he may die ,   _{tears wetting stone - made cheeks   :   this burden is too strenuous for such a broken man.   the sound resonates and agony increases ,   mouth forming her name ,   apologies ,   murmuring in a vain attempt to make things right.   NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY ,   DON’T FOOL YOURSELF.   his unworthy name falls from divine lips   —   force ,   it’s a raw sound ,   produced inside the target of his attack.   an enraged scream wants to shatter the silence ,   tamed fury under his skin but directed only at himself.   HE’S HURT HER.   in more ways than one.   shivering ,   petrified form moves ever so slightly ,   head rising   (   and is it a challenge  !   the mere movement presents an enormous difficulty ,   as if all strength had vanished along with the dark   )   to look at her.   tears blur his vision ,   however unfocused stare is what was deemed as lost   :   as clear as the morning sky ,   still hollow.   voice cracks when he speaks ,   louder than before.   ❛   PADMÉ   .     .     .   ❜   trembling hand wants to shift towards her ,   though the memory of what has just transpired prevents it from doing so.   instead he merely stares ,   asking with anguished gaze ,   asking for permission to touch her.   SOMETHING HE DOES NOT DESERVE.   widened blues are filled with sincere remorse.   if only he could turn back time  !   somehow ,   he’s not certain he would not make the same mistakes.   ❛   i didn’t mean to do that ,   padmé ,   please   ——   please ,   i’m sorry.   ❜}            

democraticqueen.                   

                        _{SHE DOESN’T KNOW HIM, SHE DOESN’T KNOW HIM — ( how can she not know him! ) doesn’t recognize the man that she could have once placed in a crowd of millions, could have felt when he was close ( & ACHED when he wasn’t, a physical pain that would not dull until he was at her side. SAFE. She aches now yet he is right here. Why? ) Gone is the boy that had shown her kindness when his own life had been nothing but cruelty. Now, he was being cruel ( is he even aware? Can he feel her pain? The too fast beating of her heart? ) & eyes are shut to her agony ( not just shut to it, he’s the cause of it, his hands, his words are the weapons piercing her otherwise unshakeable armor — her HEART. ) ❛ Anakin. ❜ It’s an exclamation, a plea, a sound of horror, disbelief. ❛ What about your life? Anakin, what have you done? ❜ Not just to others but himself! ❛ Anakin you may think you’re saving my life but — ❜ Head shakes, voice wavers. ❛ — you’re breaking my heart. ❜ Voice cracks towards the end ( the way she feels she’s about to. ) ❛ I don’t know you anymore. ❜ I can’t love someone I don’t know. ❛ I can’t — ❜ Gold-flecked eyes narrow, singing her with the intensity of their anger, & she wants to avert her gaze because she can’t even look at him like this.}

                _{Heart SHATTERS at his words, at the thought that he’s done this, become this, for her. How do you speak to a STRANGER wearing the face of the ONE YOU LOVE? The answer is simple — you keep looking in hopes of finding him again, because you can never stop, not when your whole heart belongs to him, not when the mention of her love brings back a flash of the one she loves ( what if she’s imagining it, what if she hopes so much that she makes it seem real? ) ❛ Ani? ❜ She couldn’t have imagined it, that had been REAL ( just as the loss of it was. ) ❛ If you truly loved me, you would know that I would never want this. ❜ She shakes her head at his accusation, yet another wound ( she feels riddled with H O L E S. At what point will they simply swallow her whole? ) ❛ He has done no such thing. You’re doing that yourself. And I told him nothing, but I should have. He was worried about you — & now — now I see why. ❜ She searches his eyes for that familiar blue, the ones that were her calm in the STORM of the war zone that had been her life since she was a little girl. ❛ Anakin, listen to me, look at me. You once said you wanted to leave the order. For me, for us. Do that now, leave with me, let’s go somewhere & raise our CHILD. ❜ Come back to me. ❛ You don’t have to do this. ❜ Please don’t do this.}

                        what had been a shapeless reality now begins to take form ,   _{finally the desperation painting such beautiful features sharpens underneath heavy stare   —   oh ,   how it hurts  !   brown irises that previously held true love and adoration simply look at him with disgust.   there is no happiness at being saved from certain death ,   only lack of recognition and the wish for an escape.   for how long has she felt this way  ?   insecurity turns to everlasting agony ,   affliction cracks into magnified fury   ;   tickling his skin.   ❛   my life means nothing without you.   ❜   once it would’ve sounded romantic   —   muttered between soft touches ,   night their most trusted ally.   now nothing but a shadow of that passion remains ,   eclipsed by the violent fire of tremendous wrath.   laughter is almost evoked   :   he does not care about his life ,   only hers  !   (   and about power ,   the power you could’ve never achieved with the jedi and that burns inside your fingertips   ).   ice dominates the stony mask his face carries ,   so void of life and anything good   ;   mechanical hand clenches too into a fist.   why isn’t she grateful  ?   he’s not only saved her   —   he’s become someone stronger.   SOMEONE TO BE FEARED AND RESPECTED.   shame does not color his heart   (   sworn to protect her ,   where is that person now  ?   at least she remains alive   )   at her begging ,   and he chooses not to answer.   nothing he can say will make it better.} 

                        what she wants truly doesn’t matter   :  _{he knows what she needs.   what she deserves ,   a long life untouched by the possibility of loss.   and he ,   he can now provide that  !   with his abilities ,   they needn’t be scared of letting go ,   or of stars dying.   not anymore.   patience has run dry ,   the heat of a furnace obliterating his heart.   ❛   we don’t have to run away  !   we don’t need to hide ,   i can defeat the emperor ,   i’m already more powerful than he could ever dream of being.   trust me ,   and we will have the life we’ve always dreamed of.   ❜   repeated words resonate again ,   although this time there’s no smile stretching his lips.   he can own it all   :   he’s brought peace ,   security and stability to his new empire.   this is the end of all that’s bad ,   of silent evenings grazing each other in forbidden secret ,   of months apart unable to reach for fear of discovery.   but who exactly is he trying to convince  ?   deranged speech justifies everything he’s done   —   or does it  ?   padmé speaks again and his head snaps.   the raging fire stands still ,   constellations freeze and glowing yellow fixes on her form.}

                        and his mouth opens slowly ,   _{a deadly note slipping past it ,   scratching his chest on the way out.   ❛   ——   YOU WOULD’VE HAD HIM KILL ME  ?   ❜   she should’ve told him ,   she should’ve told him ,   she should’ve told him  ?   SHE SHOULD’VE BETRAYED HIM  ?   he sees red   ;   no ,   not red   —   black.   everything is darkness and copper smoke coils ‘round his shoulders ,   suffocating him and drowning him and deafening him.   ❛   you don’t really love me.   you’ve turned against me ,   you’ve sided with those traitorous jedi  !   YOU’RE A LIAR  !   ❜   growling ,   crimson fume has become the puppeteer   :   it lifts his flesh hand with steady fingers ,   and they close up in the air ,   and the song inside his veins goes ballistic.   he can feel the constriction inside her   —   it dances through his body in synchrony with such delicious madness.   how wonderful it is  !   to have a life at your mercy ,   let out the rage he’s contained for so long.   she’s no one but a target ,   a betrayer.   and he’s squeezing ,   relishing on the elimination of those who’ve hurt him.   HE DOESN’T NEED HER  !   he only needs power ,   the freedom of being able to act.   HE’S FORGOTTEN HIMSELF   ;   THERE IS ONLY HIM.} 

                        but he stares now ,   _{at her widened eyes with hatred and vengeance.   he stares into her eyes as they panic   —   and a sudden disturbance rips through the force.   a source of pure light ,   of nothing but goodness.   IT REACHES HIM ,   AND THE MALICIOUS ENCHANTMENT IS BROKEN.   mere seconds die yet to anakin they feel like years ,   arm quickly dropping to his side as all gold vanishes from now blue gaze.   clear ,   untainted.   ❛   ——   PADMÉ.   ❜   broken whisper echoes through the atmosphere ,   notes tarnished with grief beyond words.   ❛   padmé ,   i’m so sorry  !   ❜   a choked cry as weak knees give out   (   it’s ironic ,   how power can suddenly feel like a disease   )   coldness crashing against his body.   he’d almost killed her and their child  !   poisonous thoughts blur into hollowness ,   head bows towards smothered lungs ,   wetness on his cheeks but no motion to wipe them.   INSTEAD ,   HE LETS TEARS FLOW FREELY.   unable to produce anything but fractured sounds that resemble words.   ❛   force ,   forgive me.   i’m so sorry ,   i’m so sorry.   ❜   this is not the way of the sith  !   the twisted monster he’s created screams   —   he ignores it.   shoves it aside ,   for he wants nothing more than to touch her and embrace her.   HE DOESN’T DESERVE HER.   or forgiveness.   still he asks for it a million times ,   eyes closing with grief and loathing.   ❛   i’m sorry ,   i’m sorry.   ❜}        

democraticqueen.  

                     _{IT IS AS IF SHE IS TALKING TO A DROID, A MACHINE, TO SOMEONE ELSE, to a complete stranger — expression remains unchanged, emotions GONE ( her Anakin — gone. ) How could he just stand there & see how much he was hurting her — & do nothing, say nothing ( oh if only they were just NOTHINGS he whispered, but they’re worse, so much worse! ) ❛ You’ve become a stranger, someone I no longer know. ❜ You are killing the man I love, breaking my heart. A MONSTER. But no, no, he can’t be, he’s Anakin! Her husband, her love, the father of a child, her life. ❛ Someone I don’t want to know. Anakin, you’re becoming someone I can’t — ❜ she chokes on the words, can’t even speak them aloud, for the thought of leaving had been unbearable once before they had even truly allowed themselves to love. What about now? Careful steps are taken towards him. ❛ Stop this, now before it’s too late. Anakin I love you. ❜ Words are accompanied with trembling fingers meeting the flesh of a stranger, trying to hold onto the man before her, bring back the one she loves. How can the words that had once meant everything ( I love you ), had been everything now only sound like a plea?} 

           _{It’s as if he doesn’t even hear her, can’t even SEE HER, see the PANIC coursing through her veins, feel the ache in her chest the way he once did, always being so in tune to her, always in sync, always together ( but now? He was going somewhere she could not follow. She had bent the RULES, no broken them, to ensure they remained at each other’s sides & now? ) ❛ Won’t be a problem? ❜ Fear claws at her heart, concern for the man that had once meant everything being so casually tossed aside rising like a panic in her chest. ❛ What does that even mean? ❜ Something in him shifts & she senses it, sees the shards of ice intertwined with blue & gold & her hands fall to her side ( she can barely look at him. ) ❛ He was. ❜ She sees no reason to lie, doesn’t understand why this of all things seems the most important. ❛ Tell him anything about what? He told me terrible things Anakin, things I couldn’t believe. I can’t. ❜ Yet looking at him now, can’t she?}

                         it has become hard to properly focus   :   _{with her pleas ringing in deaf ears and the chaos raging freely through heavy form ,   with darkness cursing through his veins in search of blood.   she speaks and he knows it should hurt   (   for it is aimed straight at his heart ,   or at least the now empty hole where it once rested.   it would have in another life ,   another world   —   another person   )   yet all it does is increase seething anger.   IT’S WHITE AND HOT AND TERRIBLY BLINDING.   it begs him to hurt someone ,   writhes for release with frightening power.   ❛   i’ve become someone who can save your life.   i won’t lose you like i lost my mother  !   ❜   fury burns underneath dry tone ,   still bent on ignoring her agony.   golden eyes narrow   :   they glow in the obscurity of their sanctuary ,   almost daring her to complete trembling speech.   he is terrified too ,   of what she does not say.   SHE CANNOT ABANDON HIM  !   (   not now ,   whatever rational piece of him remains whispers.   not when you’ve lost everything but her   )   ❛   ——   someone you can’t what ,   padmé  ?   ❜   love  ?   trust  ?   the possibilities are endless ,   claw at his chest like a wild beast in a cage.   what was she going to say  ?   ❛   i’ve given up everything for you  !   ❜   right hand clenches into a fist   —   it’s shaking.   out of anger ,   out of fear.   a thousand emotions swirl like a storm ,   twisted into something monstrous for the sake of security.   but for a second he’s fallen silent ,   momentarily mesmerized by her speech ,   suddenly confused when she speaks.   it almost dissipates yellow tinge ,   nearly returns the blue clarity she so seeks.   soon it’s gone ,   however   ;   dark grip on his soul too tight to ever let go.   HE CANNOT ESCAPE.   ❛   if you truly loved me ,   you would realize i’m doing this for you   ——   you would understand.   ❜   he can see it in the way her eyes divert   (   how she can’t even hold his gaze  !   )   and in the worry obi - wan’s name brings with it.   ❛   he’s trying to turn you against me ,   and he’s succeeding  !   don’t you see that  ?   ❜   PARANOIA CLINGS TO HIS SKIN.   JEALOUSY RIPS THROUGH RESILIENT BONES.   and he repeats himself ,   taking a step towards her   :   ❛   what did you tell him  ?   ❜}                      

democraticqueen.

          _{FOR A SECOND, JUST FOR A MOMENT, SHE SEES HIM, sees the man she fell in love with almost find his way back to her. It’s a flicker that dies out just as quickly as it had come, like a lone candle in a raging storm. No! It happens so quickly she cannot retrace her steps & try to bring him back, to fight for him, tell him to stay with her ( it happens so quickly she cannot even mourn him, for she is trying to understand the one replacing him. ) Words blossom upon her lips only to whither away, choked & caught in the cage that is her chest, giving way to the horror clawing its way up her throat. All she can do is shake her head in petrified denial instead of telling him what she wants to — that she wasn’t dying, but she has never felt closer to death than she has now, staring at what had once been her LIFE & seeing emptiness — no, darkness. Lips tremble as her eyes take in flecks of gold in his & her eyes WIDEN in horror, an unconscious step taken back. ❛ What have you done? ❜ This is not her Anakin! Her Anakin would never, he was good, he was the Chosen One! Her voice is low, careful as she tries to maintain the tremors threatening to wrack her body ( threaten to shake her entire world! ) ❛ The only thing I am scared of is what I fear you have become. Anakin please, stop this. ❜} 

      _{She wants to breach the ever-increasing distance ( & now her fear from earlier starts to make sense — & oh how she wishes it doesn’t ) but she can’t, yet in a cruel twist of irony, she can’t walk away either. That one step of surprise was all she could take. Disbelief & horror are all she feels, a rising panic bubbling up her chest. ❛ The jedi are your friends — Obi-Wan would never turn away from you. He knows — about us, about you, & he’s worried. ❜ Voice does not shake yet her frame does ( & she is reminded, for the briefest of moments of another time when she had thought to have lost the one she had loved only to have him return to her. You’re trembling. What’s going on? Yet how can he not see it now? ) The rest of his words are like a blow to the chest. ❛ How can you even think that? That I would ever – ❜ Voice falters in her anger, in the pain coursing through her veins, in the betrayal ( for it is one, doubting her the way he has is the worst kind of betrayal. ) ❛ At what cost? ❜ & now her voice too is starting to waver. ❛ Come away with me. Stop this, please. For me. ❜ He says he has done this for her? Then do this for her now, please.}

                        it is achingly clear in her features   :   _{the way her mouth wobbers and her head can only shake with panicked movements ,   how brown eyes that once shone tenderly now display a thousand emotions but love   (   fear ,   disappointment ,   heartbreak   ;   feelings he swore to protect her from   )   —   TERROR WORN AS A SECOND SKIN.   stop this  !   anakin skywalker screams.   but he is no more ,   cannot be   (   how could he  ?   a jedi knight ,   a skilled hero ,   a general of war   —   what has that achieved  ?   the contempt and distrust of the jedi ,   those who called themselves brothers  !   he had once pledged himself to them and still they betrayed their ideals ,   their orthodox ways.   they had emptied him ,   turned him to dust and ash and rubble ,   until no part of the boy from tatooine survived   )   if he is to save her life.   distant protests are almost exterminated ,   along with vestiges of his old self   :   locked away in a box as darth vader takes its place.   with him comes ignorance of padmé’s troubles ,   with the dark comes blinding rage.   oblivious to her turmoil   ;   marble features remain stoic ,   yellow interwining between blue irises until it’s all gone ,   gone ,   gone.}    

                        ❛   i’ve become something better  !   _{i’m more powerful than any jedi has ever dreamed of being   ——   more powerful even than the chancellor.   ❜   darkness rushes through his bloodstream ,   sings in agreement with bold words.   and his upper lip curls in disgust ,   a feral snarl mixed with bitter laughter grazing the walls of raw throat on its way out.   ❛   the jedi were corrupt.   they planned to overthrow the republic and seize control of the galaxy  !   obi - wan was no different than them.   but he won’t be a problem anymore.    ❜   death was most certainly his old master’s fate   :   massacred along with the rest of the order ,   yet   ———   the mention of his name ignites fire ‘neath thick skin ,   realization arriving with the thudding force around them.   cold dread fills up his veins ,   knowledge he had been too preoccupied to aknowledge making itself known.   ❛   obi - wan was here   ——   today.   ❜   her pleas goes unheard ,   her requests denied.   only a monster makes home inside his body and it’s clawing and slashing and screaming.   distrust taints low notes ,   sharpness coating them like deadly poison.   ❛   he’s alive.   did you tell him anything  ?  ❜}        

democraticqueen.         

                      _{THE TOLL OF ALARM BELLS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DROWNED OUT at the sound of his voice, words so soft & sweet, the moment made even sweeter as he bridges the DISTANCE between them. Though the bells are still ringing, the moment hands — one fire & one ice — touch her skin, she lets out a breath she hadn’t been aware of holding captive in her chest, choking her. Eyes flutter shut for the briefest of moments as she tries to breathe in his scent, reassure herself that all is well ( how can it not be with her Ani by her side & unharmed, as he promised? ) yet a shiver dances along her spine. She doesn’t know why, perhaps it’s the draft of the night finally settling over her bones, finally being acknowledged now that things had died down, now that she was allowed to not be strong ( if only for a few moments ) & it causes her to shift that much closer, hoping to draw warmth ( & STRENGTH ) from his presence. She feels nothing & with that realization, heavy heart sinks further as eyes flutter open, staring at the man before her. She doesn’t understand — he’s right. Confusion interlaces with worry, panic hammering away at her chest though she knows not why. Anakin is okay, he is here with her. ❛ Save me from what? Anakin, we’re okay. ❜ Yet who is she trying to assure with whispered words? NEW POWERS? It’s as if she feels it, rushing through his veins & singing her where his skin meets hers & she shifts away, eyes widened, the beat of her heart rising as color starts to fade with every word he speaks. ❛ Gone? ❜ Is her Anakin gone, too? ❛ Anakin stop saying these things, you’re scaring me. ❜ Scared of the stranger before her — or for him? ( or for the little one she will soon have to bring into this world? ) ❛ Nothing you’re saying is making sense! ❜}

                         smothering grip of madness now threatens to let go   ;   _{it quivers alike a dying light when she moves into the steady circle of his arms   (   a place that was created only for her ,   once filled with warmth yet now offering everything but   —   even as he tries hard.   THERE IS TOO MUCH CHAOS ROAMING SUPPLE FLESH.   ice has accumulated underneath his skin ,   frosted wasteland taking a hold of desperate heart   )   and almost disappears as their bodies touch.   the fog begins to clear ,   sickness rising up his throat ,   pounding at his brain.   THEIR CONTACT IS A HARBINGER OF CLARITY ,   OF PAIN.   what is he doing  ?   confusion shines through ,   merely for one second ,   behind oceanic eyes   —   melancholy paints trembling notes ,   hushes the words that leave paled lips.   ❛   padmé   .     .     .   i can’t let my nightmares become real.   i can’t let you die.   ❜   there is so much more to say ,   a million things he could whisper   (   if only he could find the right way to express them  !   )   before the air between them shifts.   it swiftly moves as she takes a step   —   not towards him ,   but away from him.   EYES NARROWED ,   SLITS IMMEDIATELY MASKING THE HURT IN HIS FEATURES.   she doesn’t want you ,   something within him whispers.   she’s going to leave you   ——    NO  !   ❛   enough.   you don’t need to be scared anymore ,   we just need each other.   ❜   proud darkness begs to differ   :   it brightens the flame of hatred swimming in rotten veins ,   red tinting his vision field.   ❛   the jedi turned away from me ,   don’t you turn away from me  !   ❜   it should have been a plea   (   you can’t leave me ,   you can’t leave me    —   please don’t leave me   )   yet violence festering in his heart makes it an order.   ❛   why can’t you see that i want the best for us  ?   that i’ve done this for us   ——   for you  ?   ❜}      

democraticqueen.

                   _{❛ No, I won’t. ❜ The steel in his words only gives her strength, for it angers her ( it scares her, her Ani, he’s not like this. ) ❛ I can’t. ❜ How can she leave it alone when she hears the ragged edges to his words, can feel something cold clawing at her heart, tendrils of ice & fear ( for him, for something that has gone terribly wrong though she knows not what ) wrapping around her heart. Her heart, it HURTS. ❛ How can I when you won’t even look at me? ❜ Another step in his direction, closer because the distance is unbearable. ❛ Anakin — ❜ So much is put into the one word, the name she had held onto, the name she had uttered like a prayer to come back to her — it’s a request for him to stop this ( stop scaring her! Stop making her worry, help ease the too fast beating of her heart, just look at her! ), her asking him to talk to her, her asking for her Anakin. ❛ What are you talking about? ❜ & when he turns, her breath catches in her throat — as if she had expected the worst — blood, wounds, disfigurement — yet all she sees is a hollowness she can’t explain & what was once the warm color of the sky in Naboo is now like the ice in her chest. ❛ — then why don’t I feel fine? Why won’t you talk to me? ❜ Something is wrong, his voice is distant, his words sound like a stranger’s, his voice devoid of emotion. He looks at her, yet it’s as if he’s looking through her. She wants to scream, tell him she’d felt something was wrong long before he’d returned, had wept for something she couldn’t put into words. But how could she when he was so far away?}

                          her words are barely understandable   ;   _{they reach him yet he cannot make sense of them ,   will not focus on anything but the raging way nested in his mind.   morbid thoughts beg for more   (   more strength ,   more lives ,   more ,   more ,   more   )   while cruelly eliminating old vestiges of a powerful knight.   behind the ice of his gaze he sees it   —   screaming younglings ,   a burning temple   (   the place he had once called home   )   and the fall of a regime.   THE EMPIRE HAS RISEN.   nobody is to be credited but him ,   nobody else is to be blamed.   DRUNK ON POWER AND SHADOWS   :   his guilt is now forgotten ,   a moment of insanity gifted by the dark side.   ❛   i am looking at you   ——   !   ❜   comes the simple answer ,   body moving towards her.   hands raise in a loving manner ,   they stop for a heartbeat before gently caressing her face   (   as if you had not slain innocents with those very same fingers  !   rational plea is ignored ,   shoved towards the obscure corners of a fragmented brain   )   —   the touch evokes a soft smile ,   sweet and bitter all at once.   it is merely a fleeting gesture ,   a visage in the middle of the desert.   soon it has gained an insane edge   ;   turned into something twisted.   ❛   ——   and i see my life.   ❜   notes are tender enough ,   whispered in the solitary room where he can almost pretend padme’s expression isn’t full of alarm.   OF CAUTION.   head shakes in response to her questions ,   both arms   (   flesh and metal   )   now holding her cheeks.   ❛   YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.   ❜   how could she  ?   impatience seeps into vehemently pronounced speech.   ❛   i have to save you   ——   only my new powers can do that.   ❜   madness shines ,   brewed inside blue eyes   :   a constellation sparkling with blood and violence.   ❛   i’ve put an end to it all.   the corruption ,   the separatists ,   the jedi   ——   they’re all gone.   we’ll make the galaxy a better place ,   padmé  !   we can make things right  !   once i overthrow palpatine ,   this will truly be over.   you and i will rule   ——   together.   ❜}                

democraticqueen.

                _{SILENCE lays heavily between them, a more monstrous companion than its oftentimes partner — darkness ( for a darkness shared wasn’t truly blinding, for you could find your way out with a beacon of light guiding you. She had found light in the darkest of times, amidst WAR & loss — they had shared their pain & found love tucked in the corners of shadows. ) It’s thick, making it hard for her to swallow ( her words, her worries, her fear — not for herself but for something more important. ) Anakin, say something! Something she can hold onto ( or better yet, allow her fingers to bring truth to his assurances of being okay. Instead, he repeats her worries, as if the word is alien, doesn’t belong between them but it does! ❛ Something is wrong. ❜ It’s no longer a question, she needs to know. A step is taken in his direction, as if just the one can close the miles she feels between them. DESTROYED? The word is incongruent with her ideologies, a jagged puzzle piece that has no place in the puzzle she has spent all her life putting together, fighting for. They protect, they do not destroy — that was the Jedi way, that was how they had met — for even at a young age, he had fought for the safety of others ( an angel is often seen as a symbol of protection, but she remembers a little boy who spoke of an angel, & then did everything in his power — from that day forward — to protect her instead.}

         _{Protect, not destroy. Not even her enemies. ) ❛ Destroyed? ❜ & still, it’s his safety she worries about. She wants to tell him that her safety means nothing if he’s not okay, surely he understands that? If she were the one wrapping arms around her frame & keeping her distance, if she were the one speaking but not seeing — wouldn’t he hurt? Wouldn’t he worry? If she was the slightest bit in pain, wouldn’t he hurt tenfold? ❛ What about you? What of your safety, which you know I value just as much. Why do you speak of safety when you won’t even — ❜ she’s told him, late nights with fears & burdens keeping her awake, that in his arms, she felt SAFE, in his arms, eyelids would slowly flutter shut & heartbeat slowly ease its too fast beat. Now, he can barely look at her. ❛ Anakin, let me see. ❜}

                                ❛   leave it alone ,   padmé.   trust my word.   ❜   _{tone is harsher than he intends ,   for there is fear of the unknown swimming in it.   fear of her rejection  !   without his angel he certainly cannot exist   —   no piece of his body and soul would endure her envisioned disgust.   a sigh is evoked by new proximity   :   what he would not give to hold her ,   whisper gilded lies into her ear as pale fingers graze the skin under her clothes.   yet he finds no strength to look at himself ,   let alone at her.   SHE WILL KNOW.   she already does ,   realization tainting corrupted veins.   perhaps not every vile detail ,   perhaps not every horrible crime   ;   but she knows.   hands curl into fists ,   twisted beast named anger settled deep down his stomach.   ❛   yes ,   destroyed.   for the sake of order   ——   of peace.   ❜   these are words he wants to make believe ,   as if they held the magical power of justifying his course of action ,   however empty and meaningless they sound.   she speaks again ,   causing lean frame to stiffen.   HIM  ?   laughter threatens once more to escape the chasm of his throat   :   a metallic sound full of contained wrath.   HE’S SAFE.   made of ash and darkness he stands ,   durasteel figure buried ‘neath death.   NOTHING BUT LOSING HER COULD HARM HIM.   she comes first ,   her life terrifyingly precious when protected by his own blade.   in the fallen’s very soul   —   were her light to disappear so would his world   (   but what about me  ?   seems to whisper the void itself.   vicious grip has not released him ,   not for a single second since his enemies were slain.   it coils 'round his heart ,   tendrils of smoke constricting his mind ,   making it hard to elucidate.   there is only padmé   ;   only hollow bloodlust of a made killer   )   machination increases dull beat ,   sand curls shaking along with a moving head.   and his breaths ,   they turn ragged in the cold atmosphere.   ❛   there’s nothing to see.   ❜   it is with a forced smile that he turns   :   he’s gathered up enough courage to analyze the face haunting his dreams.   HIS NIGHTMARES.   and his eyes   —   they have returned to their peaceful blue ,   though he knows of the yellow terror they just grew.   ❛   we’re fine.   no one can take that from us now.   ❜}    

democraticqueen.

                             _{HIS SMILE, WHAT SHOULD BE A BRIGHT LIGHT IN A WORLD OF DARK GALAXIES , does nothing to ease the darkness of the night ( of the darkness shrouding them. ) ❛ I will always worry about you, just as you do about me. ❜ It’s almost a plea, somewhat pained that he would ever doubt. Surely he can tell that his reassurances mean nothing until fingers can ascertain the truth for themselves, until her eyes can take in every inch of Anakin ( her Anakin ) & make sure that he has come back to her safe. He’s okay, he’s okay, he has to be okay if only just by her sheer force of will. She hadn’t just waited for him as he’d asked, she’d kept dark eyes on the horizon, had somehow known that he was alive, felt it — & it’s because of that same feeling that she knows that something is distinctly not okay — wrong. It’s in the set of his shoulders, in the way he refuses to look at her, in the way there’s too much distance between them, in so much that only the dizzying relief of him having returned had been the only thing able to conceal it, keep it hidden in the darkness he now stood in. ❛ What’s wrong? ❜ It’s no longer a query as to whether or not he’s okay, it’s her knowing something isn’t. ❛ Anakin talk to me, please. ❜ Look at me. Eyes take in all that he does, as dark hood is lowered, as he speaks her name — making it sound as if it’s everything ( & yet he says nothing more. ) ❛ Anakin — I’m right here. ❜ He utters the name as if she’s miles away, as if it’s not he who turns his back on her, but the opposite.}

                       WORRY   :   _{a known friend ,   it has been a constant companion since the fateful moment of their meeting.   he has felt the need to protect her ,   mantain her safe ,   even when only nine standard years ,   when nineteen ,   twenty - three.   their connection is strong ,   born amidst heated sand and death.   pain has haunted them ,   war and grief woven together betwitx their bones   (   lessened always by solitary moments of love  ;   escapades where he could feel her heartbeat against his chest ,   touch her body as if it were sacred.   for to him it was ,   to the blind man who’d only known how to venerate her   —   where is that person now  ?   )  can he bear to bring her more  ?   silence rewards her initial statement   ;  she’s right and there is no denying it.   pale hands   (  although they may as well be tainted ,   crawling with lives he’s selfishly stolen.  FOR HER ,   he repeats inside a mangled brain.   THEY’RE DEAD AND IT IS FOR HER   )  turn into fists ,   beginnings of choked laughter stuck halfway through raw throat.   no sound comes out ,   however   —   only a simple word.   ❛   ——   WRONG  ?   ❜   the only wrongness he can imagine is that of a world without her.   everything else is irrelevant   (  even when the rush of darkness shouts he’s mistaken.   YOU WANT POWER ,   POWER ,   POWER.   you are the harbinger of death and nothing can stop you  :  not even the emperor.   DETHRONE HIM AND SEIZE THE GALAXY  !  for yourself ,   and for padmé   )   veiled machinations prevent him from approaching her   —   he’s a thousand miles away ,   hollow notes show as much.   ❛   i’ve destroyed anything that is wrong.   i’ve brought peace and order   ——   i’ve kept you safe.   no harm will come to you now ,   i swear it.   ❜}  

democraticqueen.

               _{Fingers press more firmly ( hold on more tightly ) as she feels him shiver beneath her fingers, some of the tightness in her chest easing when he seems to lean into her touch. He’s okay, he’s okay, he’s okay. Her mantra, one she repeated while she waited ( one she still repeats, trying to will the words into the truth. He’s okay – isn’t he? ) Ragged breath catches in her throat ( it suddenly feeling too tight, constricted — like her heart ) hand still raised though there is nothing there – Anakin is gone. Her eyes ask the question she cannot put into words. ❛ Ani. ❜ It’s one word, but it’s everything. It’s her relief that he’s alive, her concern that he’s hurt, her heartbrokenness at all the loss that has occurred all around them ( that’s standing right before her ), it’s almost a plea for him to look at her, to talk to her. An antidote for the coldness of her name on his tongue. ❛ I thought we were past this. ❜ Secrets, shutting her out. ❛ Why do you push me away? ❜ Like that night with the nightmares, only this time it seems so much worse — there is no waking from this. ❛ It is not my safety I’m concerned about, surely you know that by now. ❜}

                        HE CANNOT PRETEND.   _{lies curl at the tip of sharpened tongue yet their fall is avoided ,   sweet words warm caged teeth and reassurance dangles from dry lips   ;   neither are allowed to be born.   anyone he would be capable of deceiving   (   the hero with no fear ,   what is a challenge but a small pebble you must kick  ?   )   —   anyone except for her.   it’s become impossible ,   turning around to reward her a loving smile   :   impossible as his hands are painted red ,   soul dripping with the blood of those he has slain.   IN THE NAME OF LOVE ,   OF ALL THAT’S HOLY.   he has turned into a nightmare ,   a monster ,   and it’s all for another day of the divinity that is padmé.   of hearing his unworthy name whispered by such tender notes.   he shivers again although cold he is not   ;   he should not even look at her  !   suffering sinks onto her skin yet she is still ignorant of his deeds ,   blissfully unaware of what has transpired tonight.   is pain preferable when the truth would cause far more disturbances  ?   WOULD SHE ABANDON HIM  ?   no ,   never   —   y  e  s.   would she turn against him  ?   perhaps she cannot   (   will not   )   love him enough to forgive his crimes.   ❛   you don’t need to worry about me ,   i’m okay.   ❜   vacancy still present as numb fingers reach underneath his hood ,   lowering it.   on the window ,   faint reflection simply stares   —   she can tell something is amiss ,   different.   ❛   padmé   .    .    .   ❜   notes are so soft they should go unheard ,   a broken plea in the obliteration which curses inside his veins.}