*   𝐣𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝.

         _{HE HAS NO IDEA. HARMED? HARMED WAS WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE ENEMY HURT YOU, but what of the one you love with his hands wrapped around your neck & leaving you unable to breathe? She had been left with a raw throat ( & all the screaming that came after hadn’t helped ) & an aching soul. Everything had been hurt, everything had been burning, yet all she can do is nod at his query. ❛ I was — ❜ How does she explain? How can she? ❛ I was looking for someone — trying to make sue he was okay. ❜ Except he wasn’t, she had been far too late. ❛ I’m fine. ❜ Voice sounds odd to her own ears, but what surprises her is the need to reassure — him of her safety. Why? He doesn’t care ( not anymore. He may not have even cared back in Mustafar. )}

      _{Sad smile touches her lips, but it is not devoid of warmth. She wishes she too could see ( & perhaps that she too could FORGET. ) When he repeats her word, she wonders if he can also taste the wrongness of it, feel how unfit it is for what they were! ❛ Once. ❜ They had been friends once though, had they not? That was not a lie. She had promised to never forget him — the reminder hits her so hard she’s left momentarily breathless, the cruelty of the promise taunting her, for in the end, it had been him who had forgotten her. She looks away ( SHE NEEDS TO STOP THIS. ) It’s his voice, the suppressed pained syllables that draw her out, pull her back. She wishes it didn’t hurt him ( her it will never stop hurting. ) She wishes she could tell him as much. ❛ Who what? ❜ She doesn’t want him to hold back ( hadn’t that been how their troubles had started? ) His queries are difficult, but they are not annoying. ❛ I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling. ❜ How does she tell him she would never mind, that even when flecks of gold had been overtaking beloved blue, she had still wanted to fight to be by his side, to bring him back? How does she tell him HE CAN TRUST HER? ❛ I want to help. ❜}

                                𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐀 𝐅𝐄𝐖 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 _{he comes up with something to say ,   eyes downcast while his tired brain tries to understand.   but it can’t   :   it is too much ,   too paralyzing to even grasp.   HIS MEMORIES ARE GONE AND THEY MAY NOT RETURN.   his own feelings are foreign ,   body tensing as if prepared to escape.   but where would he go ?  almost laughter crawls up his throat though he presses pale lips together to contain it   ——   he knows nothing !   he   (  a nameless being ,   empty of everything that made him who he once was   )  is at the mercy of padmé.   hands turn into fists before he finally looks at her.   ❛   ———   well ,   was he  ?   ❜   it makes no sense ,   for him to be asking that.   yet he desperately yearns for a distraction ,   something to make him forget   (   how ironic  !   )   all that is lost.   ❛   was he okay  ?   ❜   he knows the answer even before he’s finished asking.   she bears quiet features and a vacant voice   ;   the visage of someone who has suffered.   perhaps he mirrors that expression.   ❛   that’s good.   ❜   a small wave of relief surprises him once more  :   how can he care for the safety of someone he does not even remember  ?}    

                               𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐅 𝐒𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐕𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐒 ,   _{settling down his stomach and weighing him down ,   pounding against its walls.   ONCE THEY WERE FRIENDS ,   NOW THEY ARE NOTHING BUT STRANGERS.   how  ?  how is it fair ?   for everything to be ripped away from him ,   for everyone he once knew   (   he probably had family ,   friends.   now he has nothing )   to be swallowed by darkness.   a darkness so heavy and devouring it threatens to smother him ,   respiration accelerating at his own machinations.   HOW IS IT FAIR  ?  he must’ve been a terrible person to deserve this ,   to ensure the wrath of the cosmos.   HE MUST HAVE BEEN A MONSTER.   such simple thought is enough to speed the beat in his chest  ——   it is getting harder and harder to breathe now.   he ignores her question ,   her kindness and willingness to assist ,   instead focusing on regaining control.   dry throat clenches as he desperately tries to swallow ,   to ground himself.   nails dig into soft palms with enough force to draw blood   :  he needs to calm down.   ❛   WHAT   ———   ❜   sore notes   (   and forlorn   )   begin ,   trembling slightly under the weigth of his despair.   ❛   ———   WHAT’S MY NAME  ?  I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER MY OWN NAME.   ❜   he’s somewhat hysterical ,   begging for everthing to come back.   but there is no one to beg to ,   no one who can help him now.   frustration ,   apprehension ,   anguish   ——   they all combine ,   making a prisoner of his heart.   ❛   i can’t even remember that.   ❜   words are fainter ,   even more hopeless than they were before.   she could never fix this ,   could never understand.}  

democraticqueen.   

                   _{❛ I’M — NOT SURE. ❜ What kind of accident wiped away all that you were & left you with nothing? The only mistake that had been made laid upon her shoulders, for she had been so blind, hadn’t seen the WARNING SIGNS until it had been far too late. ❛ I had also been hurt. I was unconscious when it happened. ❜ She’s somewhat grateful that she can provide him with some truth ( though the whole of it she wishes she too couldn’t remember — he cannot know it was by his hand that she had lain on the floor unaware. She hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye & her last memory of him was as much a stranger to her as he was now. BOTH HURT HER in ways there were no words for — like the sun ; it hurt to look, yet you couldn’t look away. HE WAS HER SUN — burning. ) She watches as his expression clears & it seems as if some of the pressure weighing upon her chest loosens. Yet dark eyes shut momentarily at the sound of her name on his lips, a ghost of what it had once been, devoid of the emotion she is used to ( that a part of her so longs to hear. ) It’s a sharp blow aimed at her heart, one he isn’t even aware of dealing — & perhaps that makes it worse. She tries to smile, knowing whatever it was he was thinking, it wasn’t easy & she needn’t make it harder.}

                  _{The upturn of lips isn’t as difficult to uphold as he realizes, however intrinsically, that they somehow know each other ( though smile wavers briefly it returns with renewed warmth & less strain. ) She had intended to LIE, to keep a distance for both their sakes — it would be easier for him, & less painful for her. Yet this was Anakin, perhaps no longer her Anakin, but he bore his features, had his voice, & even now, he spoke her name aloud with a gentle kind of tenderness. It sounds different, but it isn’t odd, doesn’t seem out of place on his lips. She nods at his query. ❛ You do. ❜ She knows that her answer is not enough, understands what he’s asking. ❛ We are — were — friends. ❜ She tries to choose her words carefully, aware of how difficult things were for him as it was, & how fragile the situation was. ❛ You have kept me safe more times than I can remember ( LIES, she remembers every single time ), saved my life even. ❜ She tells him because PRIDE had always been a shield Anakin wore like a second-skin. Even now, with so much of who he was GONE, that still remained. He hated this, not knowing anything & having to rely on a familiar stranger — unspoken words are embedded within the ones she does voice — let me help you, as you’ve done for me. She can’t tell him it was because she had loved him. ❛ So yes, you did. ❜ The error of using present tense catching up to her belatedly.}

                       ❛   you were harmed as well  ?   ❜   _{puzzle pieces beg to fall into place ,   though the information possessed is frustratingly scarce.   the irritated glint inside his gaze sharpens   :   how he loathes this  !   discontent grips the walls of his stomach ,   twisting a knife invisible to sight.   it turns and it turns until there is nothing left untouched ,   until an empty man finds himself with less than before.   strangely ,   he wishes to spare her from such machinations ,   speak carefully when all he wants to do is retaliate.   ❛   why were you even there  ?   ❜   absent animosity ,   new question is poised with real curiosity   —   and sudden worry.   A NAMELESS BEING ,   STRIPPED TO THE BARENESS OF HIS BROKEN SPIRIT.   and he cares  !   somehow feels a connection to her ,   recoils at the idea of anybody hurting her.   that’s why his lips part and another query falls   :   ❛   are you okay  ?   ❜   soft ,   true concern shining through the words.}       

                      ❛   ——   i see.   ❜   _{it makes sense now ,   the familiarity forgetful heart feels at her presence ,   the warm feeling that tells him to trust her.   perhaps it explains even his now quick heartbeat   ;   seemingly fastening by her gorgeous   (   and real   :   since wakening he has not witnessed true happiness ,   only forced expressions that tasted like grief.  this is different ,   refreshing ,   beautiful.   he could hold on to it and never let go ,   never find out his real identity   —   it would be enough   )   smile.   he cannot help but return such gesture ,   weigth lifting from stiff shoulders if only for a second.   ❛   friends.   ❜   repetition comes as a testing ,   savoring the word that defined their relationship.   somehow ,   it doesn’t seem suitable.   ❛   WHO   ——   ?   ❜   voice cutting off ,   embarassment cursing through his veins.   just how many things has he asked her  ?   exhaustion seeps into his bloodstream   :   brain tired already when facing the possibilities of his future.   WOULD IT ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS  ?   forever wondering ,   forever relying on other people to know of his own past  !   it sounded too tiresome a life ,   made him want to sleep and never wake up.   a sigh slips past his mouth ,   fingers raising to rub troubled eyes.   ❛   i’m sorry.   all these questions must be annoying you.   ❜} 

democraticqueen.        

                       _{HEART CLENCHES TIGHTLY, CONSTRICTING — leaving her breathless when he cannot even remember the outer rim ( this was his HOME! Not free from cruelty, yet the man she had loved, the boy who had saved them what feels like a lifetime ago, he had come from here. They had met here — this was where it had all began, & it was cruel irony that they were here again now. ) ❛ It’s a part of the galaxy. The largest but — not necessarily the safest. ❜ Or kindest. She sees the confusion warped into alarm as eyes flit around their surroundings, trying to make sense of it all ( yet how can one understand a puzzle when pieces were missing? When all the pieces were gone? ) She feels heavy, a weariness settling over her bones as helplessness rushes through her veins, frustrating in a way she cannot put into words. As if bearing the weight is too much, she takes a few steps ( measured, careful ) towards the chair she had been occupying before ( unable to leave his side for very long. ) ❛ You were in an accident. ❜ The lies choke her ( as if a cruel reminder of the truth, of something else that had wrapped itself around her neck not long ago ) yet she had promised Obi Wan, he had assured her that this was what was best for him.} 

                        _{She doesn’t ask him again of his pain the way she wants to, knowing his disregard had been deliberate ( & it hurts, to know she’s no longer to be trusted. ) Expression softens with a smile she hopes is reassuring. ❛ My friend & I have been taking care of you. ❜ Pain ( naked, raw ) slashes across her features at the question. She had known, had expected it, yet hearing him speak it aloud in tones defensive & so full of mistrust ( & somehow still, so familiar ) had been too much. Features compose themselves, the brief crack in her façade covered, earlier smile trying to find its way back. ❛ I’m Padmé. I’m — ❜ A senator? To what — a broken government? No. Your wife? No, she had been Anakin Skywalker’s wife, not this man’s. A mother — to children he’ll never get to know & love the way he should. ❛ I was there when the accident happened. ❜}

                                _{she speaks and the words should make sense ,   but they don’t.   a galaxy   (   the place he probably called home  !   )   he once was a part of holds absolutely no familiarity ,   each second ticking as adrenaline slides through his chest.   DANGEROUS ,   COLD DREAD PRESENT FROM THE MOMENT HE WOKE.   knot formed at the back of his throat is swallowed ,   head moves in a solemn nod in response to her kind explanation   :   he offers no other reply ,   instead choosing silence as a comforting companion.   eyes remain downcast ,   desperate still to find a solution   —   heavy uncertainty is unnverving him ,   nesting a scream ‘neath his chest.   it does not go unnoticed ,   her movement towards a close chair   (   a source of curiosity   —   who has been sitting besides him  ?   had it been her  ?   alike an angel ,   watching over forgotten frame  ?   )   paired with whispered notes ,   almost pained that fill the atmosphere.   gaze snaps then ,   drawn to her own as shock widens it once again.   ❛   ——   what kind of accident  ?   ❜   distrust colors low voice   ;   not meant to hurt but to protect himself.   until he is certain this place is safe ,   he must not yield ,   must not let his guard down.}   

                                _{❛   WHY  ?   ❜   is this the hundred question sliding past parted lips  ?   bleak world is only a product of doubt ,   gnawning at alabaster bones with astounding intensity ,   preoccupying him   (   a nameless being ,   unprotected   )   until mangled brain is but a shadow itself.   unfriendly mask is siphoned away when her features morph   :   expression twisting into something he wants to vanish ,   a suffering so obvious he feels the need to make it disappear.   I’M SORRY.   apology is stuck between vocal chords ,   for too much dwells inside his mind ,   too convoluted are his emotions.   caged teeth separate ,   however ,   muttered name following their movement.   a caress ,   sweet and melodious in the midst of such tragedy.   ❛   padmé.   ❜   somehow it does not sound strange   —   makes him want to pronounce it a thousand times.   ❛   do i know you  ?   ❜   query will be understood ,   that he is not asking for a name but a connection.   A RELATIONSHIP.   who are you to me  ?   hands buried inside blond curls ,   he now sighs in irritation ,   awaiting her answer with unprecedented eagerness.}      

democraticqueen.

                    _{HE   FINALLY   WAKES   —   YET   HEARTACHE   DOESN’T   CEASE   ;   If   possible,   it   has   increased,   the   cuts   running   deeper   when   she   looks   at   the   man   she   loved   &   sees   absolute   emptiness   (   this   is   better   than   the   FIRES   she’d   seen   burning   him,   the   gold   tinging   beautiful   blue   —   wasn’t   it?   )   ❛   You’re   awake!   ❜   She   shouldn’t   sound   so   excited   about   the   waking   of   a   stranger,   it’s   a   belated   thought.   His   voice   is   rough   &   achingly   familiar   yet   not   &   it’s   a   fresh   wound   she   has   to   bear.   Hands   fall   from   their   resting   place   above   her   child   (   their   child   —   no,   he’s   gone   )   &   she   forces   a   smile   (   this   Anakin   no   longer   knows   her,   can’t   read   the   pain   behind   it,   feel   her   turmoil   &   for   that,   she   is   grateful.   )   ❛   And   safe.   ❜   Alive   at   the   very   least,   &   safe   from   the   HAUNTING   thoughts   she   has   to   face   every   day,   the   ghosts   of   actions   he   no   longer   remembers.   ❛   You’re   —   ❜   in   the   middle   of   nowhere?   On   the   run?   ❛   We   are   on   Tatooine.   ❜   Pained   realization   reminds   her   that   he   doesn’t   know   where   that   is.   ❛   One   of   the   planets   on   the   outer   rim.   ❜   Cadence   softens   as   concern   seeps   in   (   had   it   ever   left?   Will   she   ever   cease   to   care   for   Anakin   Skywalker   –   even   when   he   was   long   gone?   ❛  Are   you   in   pain?   ❜}

                                _{❛   ——   THE OUTER RIM  ?   ❜   quick to fall from parted lips is the query ,   confusion interwining with his every word.   perhaps the location should sound familar   —   it does not.   each attempt at remembering something   (   anything   )   is painfully thwarted by a wall of blankness ,   a vast hole full of emptiness.   fingers raise to rub pulsing temples ,   frown twisting stone features as eyes flutter shut.   for a second he’s alone   :   surrounding him only the void and nervous flow of his thoughts.   my name ,   my name   —   why can’t i remember my name  ?    blue gaze suddenly exposed ,   set on her face ,   agitation burning in its depth.   somehow there’s an inclination to trust her ,   a faint whisper claiming she means no harm.   it’s in the brightness his awake brings ,   the concern shining through.   LIKE GRAVITY ,   HIS BODY YEARNS TO MOVE CLOSER.   strange feelings are ignored for the sake of clarity  ;   however tone remains polite ,   if completely alarmed.   ❛   what happened to me  ?   ❜   interrogation seems endless ,   fear gripping his heart   —   this woman ,   beautiful and sad and alone ,   she could’ve hurt him.   deep down it’s hard to believe   (   when she asks if he’s okay ,   how could someone so divine do him wrong ?   )   howbeit he’s tragically defenseless.   ❛   who are you  ?   ❜   silence follows ,   her question unanswered   :   why should he give away the only information in his possession  ?}